Crying

You know when things are getting strong when your eyes crinkle at the sides and you feel you could almost start crying?

I have had that feeling a few times lately - at the most inappropriate times I can be reflecting on where I am and where I am headed and it makes me want to cry.


Like how amazingly simple and clear life is when I am sober. Like how slippery and steep the slope is when I drink - or even start the spiral of "just having a drink."

Like seeing friends who are struggling with the credit card of drinking - the take it all upfront and having to repay a sorry lonely hangover debt the day after.

Like being able to wake up early and get things done - really tick off the list and see some meaningful progress by the days end.

Like being around for my children and being present and calm and taking the little steps to make our interactions worthy of their blossoming minds.

Like being free of the daily chore of buying booze, of hiding it, of pretending not to be too drunk, of making the impression on the phone that I am not drinking at lunchtime on Tuesday.

 Like being fitter, happier and healthier and free to power through the afternoon - instead of craving sleep and rest so I can climb back on the rollercoaster.

What has made me want to cry has been how simple it really is for me.

And how I have been fooling myself most of all that drinking is a friend and treasure to worship. It isn't.

And even that makes me want to cry. That drinking is gone - forever. And I am getting known amongst my circles as a non drinker. Which is all part of who I am now.

Happy New Year, thanks for sharing my story, and take some time to reflect on your drinking or sobriety and most of all, be gentle on yourself.

19 comments:

  1. Love this. Crying is such a release, a human response to FEELING. Yay you! Takes courage to feel pure joy, to acknowledge our mistakes and character defects and to still hold our heads up and smile....because we're good with what we see there. The good and the bad....we are doing the best we can each day. Sounds like you are savoring your progress and growth. I love hearing that!

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  2. Very honest thinking.
    For me life is difficult, I know I don't think like normal people, but life is far more difficult if not impossible if I have a drink.

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  3. Thanks very much for your inspiring insight and sharing your journey with us. Tomorrow will be better without alcohol today. Happy new year.

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    1. Lets all quietly whisper what you just said - "tomorrow will be better without alcohol today"

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  4. Oh god don't talk to me about crying. I cry when people get elimintated from The Amazing Race. I cry when I look at the teachers in my sons school doing cheesy actions to songs at assembly. I always cry at weddings when the bride enters and walks up to the groom, I cry when I'm stressed now and I cry when I'm laughing really really hard. I cry just when I wake up in the morning... actually I think that's more of a leaky eye thing. Anyway... let it all out Bwendo... let it all out. I'm so happy you're back on the sober buzz. Yes! We are bigger and better than that bastard booze. Happy New Year my friend xxx

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  5. Crying with beauty and awe and humility and gratitude. Sometimes it's overwhelming and the feeling so much more than I ever got from alcohol.

    May your family be well and at peace this New Year.
    Kary

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  6. I cried when I read your Wonderwall post. I cried when I read that you went back to day 1 while I was on day 30 or 40 something. But here we are. Happy New Year. Only 7 hours to go in my time zone and I've earned a sober holiday season. Its hard as hell minute by minute but seems relatively attainable when I look back and reflect.

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    1. It still makes me cry too, reading Sober on the Radio Wonderwall is a powerful dirge.

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  7. i cried watching the movie 'up' yesterday, it made me thankful for my family. i have been sober 2yrs 3 months.

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  8. Hi,

    I found your blog just today, and I have been looking through it all. Myself, I have been sober for just over 8 years, and I well remember how I felt for those first few months.

    I just published a post on my blog about my life now as a non-practicing alcoholic. I wanted to e-mail you directly, but I don't have a Microsoft account and resent being told to get one by a website when I already have 3 e-mail accounts on the go. So - my apologies - but I am putting my blog link up here. I hope that's OK:

    http://risingwoman.wordpress.com/2013/01/04/a-few-words-from-a-non-practicing-alcoholic/

    If you want to get in touch with me for help or support or anything else, you can find me on FB and Twitter, and I will write you back immediately. If you need a hand up or an ear, just go ahead and ask me. Nobody can really do it alone.

    Take care, and take it a step at a time.
    Michelle



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  9. Alcoholism have such broad definition, it's spirit can inspire and the same time, it can get the worst inside of us. But I admire you because of what you did. You we're able to pull these messages and communicate them to your audiences so you can be a great inspiration.

    Just like what Annette felt, I saw the flare in your writing and your emotions are really raw that it can even penetrate to the soul of non-alcoholic drinker like me. I'm very much looking forward to your success. Just remember that, discipline is the key to get through in life.

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  10. As a reader that is attempting to jump off the drinking rollercoaster before I vanish into lonely addiction, I thank you for your insightful words. I will continue to follow and wish you luck and hope in the new year.

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  11. Hey you,
    How's the New Year treatin' ya? Doin' ok?
    Kary

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  12. Hey mate, I need / crave some more insightful wisdom from you. I'm checkin all the time and hope you find some inspiration to get verbose, wax lyrical and spill the beans to all of us who follow ur blog. It means so much to more people than you would ever realize...

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  13. This is such a beautiful post. I am only on day 4 after finally having enough of the dark path I was walking down, but alot of what you say I can already relate to so much! I have just started to blog and hope to still be doing it as long sober as you have been.

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  14. The roller coaster of emotion is normal for something that is recovering. It's our body's reaction to stress to fight an addiction. But just in case that the old ways is too hard to fight then recovery assistance is might you need.

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  15. It just so happens that I made it 7 days this time before I felt "cured". When will I learn that I never am "cured"?

    Quitting the alcohol has always felt sad to me - as though I losing a best friend. Some best friend... Easy to say while sober, isn't it?

    Love your blog :)

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